Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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