you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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