So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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