i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He kissed a someone with a penis
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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