I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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