we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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