My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
