her vagine was all disorganized.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
