I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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