so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
