Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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