At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
