I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
