I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
