Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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