I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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