So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
