i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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