I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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