i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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