dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
