so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
