So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
