I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
