i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
