I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
