hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
