My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
we're so committed to being not committed
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
