I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Found your dick twin last night
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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