you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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