I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Come on in and take your pants off
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