There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize