yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
