Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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