One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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