Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
