ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
