we have officially lost it.
You can't motorboat a personality
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
