this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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