if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i love accidental penises.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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