my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He better not be in your backpack
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
