I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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