Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
