Tell her she can't have a vagina
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
