Whoa Z and x make the same sound
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
