drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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