I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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