I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
