i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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