Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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