That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We are two peas in an std pod
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
