OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
