I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
