So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
