I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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