oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We have started to decorate penises.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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