Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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