Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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