U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
