My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
