I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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