i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
