I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
