and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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