you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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