yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
