in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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