All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
