doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
