You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
