Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
