Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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